I suffered so much, went down in alcoolism, drugs, compulsive gambling. Any thoughts? I want to share my home with my loved ones but he makes it so unconfortable I have to do this outside of my home. All I ever wanted was to be valued and to feel like I was an important person in his life. I however also suspect him of being a narcissist. I think you have just left a great piece of information. For a man this is a somewhat embarrassing and diminishing situation and causes stress in itself. However he spends upto 2 hours a day looking at them. It has concentrated my mind and I have discovered Im HSP, something Id never heard of and Im taking it seriously after the experience I had Lin 2021. I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. It is unlikely, for an individual to be both autistic and narcissistic. Understand you have to do things on your own. Research I have found has moved me forward in my understanding. Years and years looking for answers. I was able to return to almost good health after eliminating pre made and eating fresh and foods with no additives. A lot to learn but worth trying. I can tell you narcs are stupid.. morons because their lack of empathy makes them blind and totally unable to get what is going on. After thinking about it, maybe I have a reading comprehension problem as the title 'Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder' means narcs getting dx as spergs to me , shouldn't it be 'Misdiagnosing Asperger's Disorder as Narcissism' . I was advised no contact is one of the best ways. Dont know what to do, just not respond to his texts or keep the dialogue going. A tribe can not afford narcissists which means it isnt human, of nature. I am confused and broken hearted. I work full time, I do all the cooking, shopping, life admin, as well as lots of cleaning. We have been in our current home for four years, and its part of a rental scheme where the rent is below market value. Not everyone is as gentle and understanding as I am. Not respecting boundaries. I personally feel if anyone wants a good example of a full blown narcissist, the president of the USA is one of them. Thank you for all the advice. 2. Im sure there are probably more issues with this article. I am very grateful he is in my life. When others succeed. A hug for you because I think you need one, and I hope you can rise above all this to a better life. We do not lack empathy, we have great intuition altho it can be difficult for us to understand it, and some of us are definitely sensitive. As a therapist working with people affected by someone elses personality condition, Im often asked the question, How do I know if my partner is a narcissist or if they have Aspergers? This is an interesting question. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. My ex husband was a narcissist bordering on psychopathic. Hes just not interested. My husband is fine with animals but has problems with humans. There are also VICTIM Narcissists. The limit is other people's recognition. But the relationship was then, and hard, and without that relationship I mentioned, with the Aspergers/Narcissicistic person, I would not have had my second breakdown in 2015, which was more severe than the first, and took much longer to recover from. Yes, autism is not easy to understand, but learning about it helps with understanding where that person on the spectrum is, and makes for a far easier life. Its just that they are not equipped to figure all i could, and the society itself is built to protect narcs and not the opposite. I was convinced my husband is a narc and left him because of it. I told her it was rooted in her traumatic past and are the primary reasons that she treated people who cared about her poorly. Fantastic books, Id recommend them to anyone in recovery, and anyone interested in the human condition. What? Narcs are the cause of 90%+ of all the problems, pain.. everything in the world. Psys and therapists say its impossible that i be narc, impossible. Yes both types are egocentric and lacking in empathy but it seems to me the motives and methods are almost completely opposite. 3. Like he has some wiring thats off and doesnt realize it. Can you see your loved ones symptoms in either column? It was after almost 2 weeks without a single grain of rice. Break up and never look back. But living with them 24-7 is a different matter. people with autism are not identical in their behavior. ), general poisoning mould, pesticides, F-, pharma, do I need to add heavy metals and Aluminium to all this?? My brother stopped communicating with me. Its the largest and best appointed flat weve ever lived in, but Ive been looking for two years to move out and barely found any place that meets our standards. He kept talking about a woman he knew bothered me and I kept asking him to stop and was getting very upset. For one thing, both are on a spectrum. I have had a life of complex PTSD from child sexual abuse too. So on top of all that.. i am trying to convince myself that im smart, good, etc. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. So I told him I reccently did an Autism quiz and it came back saying I was very high on the autistic side of the spectrum and should get assessed. When we returned from our trip after we had a falling out he said its just my personality to find fault with everything. There is no known link between Asperger's and narcissism, and the two conditions are not thought to be related. Looking back the signs were there to be read. I wonder if perhaps Aspies who grow up with Narcs can take on some on their traits because they mimic to try and fit in. We used to go out every Saturday, but now he pulls a face if I wanted to go somewhere, so we dont. Goodness me!!! Am I moaning too much? She was always the ultimate giver and forgiver. I would have thought either you do them willfully or your are unaware of them altogether. Thank you for your GoodTherapy posts. This kind of relationship is hellish and I would advise anyone going through it to leave if they are in the earlier stages of their marriage/or life. I think you are barking up the wrong tree your first mistake is to assume aspergers and high functioning autism are the same thing THEY ARE NOT! And in this situation knowing he is a narcissist has taken a lot of my wounding away from our very difficult relationship and I have come to terms with how our relationship is. I feel so sorry for my mom who has lived with this man for thirty six years, Goodness me. But hes manipulative & very Nasty, when we have words and always blames me for everything within the conversation , if I make a comment he takes it a derogatory comment towards him & after 25yrs Ive learnt how to word my comments, as I know he doesnt take the blame he has the ability to make you believe everything that said is my fault ( he was like that with his 1st wife ) but cannot see it . And Im now again trying to keep up. Also someone with Asbergers focusses more on themselves, where as the Narcissistic person focusses on criticising and manipulating others. I have my own life Ive developed, (reinstituted) although that wasnt easy as I also have some severe arthritis to deal with from accidents, etc. No, but was referred to another phone number. Bottom line? Which makes me suspicious. I wonder too about Aspies growing up with narcissistic parent. This will require patience and perseverance. But anyway the novel is getting long again so ill leave it there for the story. 5. I just, cant tell what exactly i am. So if i know how to get rich, i have the abilities to, why would i envy others success? My family will do ANYTHING to avoid being wrong and to pass the buck something I also take umbridge with. He may also have a certain amount of autism. I understand if you dont want to add this comment to your site. Its a good idea to leave writing about autism to autistics. I lived with him for around 38 years and one of the worst things to be experienced is the manipulation and degrading of personal self and loneliness under the barrage of rot they seem to like to dish up. It all depends on the person and those are on the autism spectrum are difficult to understand. We are both seniors and the idea of starting afresh at this age is daunting so Im afraid to let go. Then I had a full-blown breakdown in my early 40s, psychiatric hospital, sledgehammer antidepressant, suicide attempts etc. As if you were a spectator, and watch the things other people do. He is a truly great person to me just not to others. It certainly has taints of narcissism. I can relate to much of what you have said as far as the narcissistic partner, and how it destroys the very fabric of who you are. I would be relieved to leave a legacy. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. I had spent the past 20 odd years trying to help my husband and felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of things he would say to me. He loves sarcasm but sometimes it just sounds like disguised meanness to me and again Im too sensitive if I say it bothers me. As Robin touched upon, I feel that we cannot begin to determine what is really going on with a persons brain until their environmental toxins and deficits are corrected. My life, is ruined. My husband and. Has anyone run across any studies of people who have had no vaccines or other exposure to heavy metals etc, who dont use drugs including caffeine, and/or who take supplements including essential minerals, B and other stress vitamins? I learned that my breakdown was caused not by the stress of change of job and moving house to another county. We arent all bad people you know. The car, the TV, feminism, the internet, and now, unashamedly the smart phone you can go back and say the mirror of course. They do not do this to be controlling, feed their ego, or fulfill a personal need for superiority. He has refused to look on property websites because its too stressful, and hes fed up of seeing the same old crap but then the minute he gets stressed accusing me of not doing enough to find us a home, caring too much about being cheap, and that Im selfish. This article is painfully outdated and misinformed about autism which makes me question the other things it says too (though not everything is wrong). They would pay everything in exchange of me signinig to work for them after my studies. The 4 great novels of Dostoyevsky (Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, Demons (aka The Possessed), and The Brothers Karamazov Comorbidity of Asperger's syndrome and bipolar . Someone, like a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath couldnt give a toss about pets and animals unless it benefitted them socially. To understand her better I read books, watched DVDs and sought any other information that was informative. I dont think aspergers is the opposite of narcissism, they're just different disorders and someone could have both. I couldnt behave properly for a woman and even less children. It is very important to me. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension? Then dont be responsible for what they think); I am not my brothers keeper (in other words everyone has a brain, what we do with that brain counts. He told me hes leaving to help his ex again knowing how hurt I was the first time. Its hard i have to act and look strong and narc to protect myself while trying to be good and do good around me undercover? I have a narcisstic Mother who thinks she has Asbergers. Asperger's or autism is a form of neurodivergence. As to your question of whether they can pick up narcissistic traits from their parents, I believe any child can pick up these traits, as children we learned a lot by copying what we saw. One way of proving they do indeed have empathy, is the evidence to show those in the autistic range often have a deep affinity with animals and feel very much at ease around them. So I have had my time pulling my hair out and being hugely frustrated and desperate for an answer how to handle her. I cannot change her, she is the way she is. The problem is I know my father is an narcissist, I have thought that for many years. My husband has some from both but primarily Narcissism but just got diagnosed in 1 hour for Asperger. Break up and never look back. Always calm.. no drama.. no.. nothing. My brother is recovering slowly with the help of the therapy team and is now at the stage where he must understand the importance of moving through and beyond his experiences. The flashback was in real time, I felt intolerable pain, and also the emotion of terror. He loves history with a laser focus and when we go places Im expected to show the same level of interest he has or he thinks were not compatible. What I have written may not solve what people are experiencing living with individuals with Aspergers or Autism, but it may go a long way to understanding how they think and why some do the things they do and in turn may help solve a few problems. It said that in our minds we have a Mammoth. This mammoth is there telling us that we are no good, we should give in because of this or that, we should have done such and such better, I wonder what people will think of me now, etc. It was actually a turning point in my life. Now Im not sure if I believe him. I didnt consider narcissism but some of those traits fit too. HELL YA! 1. Very interesting. Consequently I had a melt down myself and put space between us. happy?! Oh yeah a mother that knows you got a serious compulsive gambling disorder that go through 6 months of no dont do that! Hell put bible verses all over, and goodie two shoes verses on his wall in his office, like when Im home, Im not at home etc. Im very patient with him. I felt empathy for that so I apologized and never mentioned it again. Drugs, ECT, resting away from the world in a mental hospital did not help. He was talking one day about his job and pedophiles came up and I mentioned Id been molested as a child. yes. Six months ago I had a friendship with a chap who, now I believe, is on the Autistic/Narcissistic spectrum displaying unusual behaviour from time to time. I didnt realize that but it makes sense. He makes the bed every day and sweeps the floor, and asking more than that is too much. Here are some books that helped me a lot, saved my life in fact. Very kind regards, Of course the house wont pass to him unless you make provision. I been rich, my family is rich and it never made anyone happy. Here is a table depicting some of the similarities and differences between the two conditions. are included. (He had no father or siblings and was very isolated growing up.) I told him this once and he said maybe you shouldnt be with me then. He has almost savant like abilities with facts, dates, details and questions if others really know what theyre talking if they cant relate their knowledge as well as he does. Finally someone who understands and indicates the right direction to deal with it. Oh i was not that smart i mean it was crazy to do that but with the list of things i was dealing with (ADHD, autism, bipolar, borderline, ptsd, violence etc) i guess i was allowed to not be perfect? I know in my heart that Im not a bad man. His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. Just a true scientist in the tradition of Dee Bacon Plato etc One begins to get used if they give in too much, its human nature to like to get our own way. When we watch TV, films etc. Lol how can society be prosper and happy when it is lead by monsters that work on self-destruction? I now understand my daughter a whole lot better and why she thinks like she does. 2. This doesnt always mean divorce but you do have to develope self worth in spades. verging on psychopath too, since he sat on me when I was pregnant and cut my wedding ring off with wire clippers once. I shouldnt have done that. So I did some ringing around different psychologist and was finally given the contact details of one that did. I wish people would actually ask autistic people before writing about them. Yes, they are as varied in character as other folk. I do care about him because I think he has a problem and maybe cant help himself but its getting tiresome. Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children Im not a young person and Ive only just come to this conclusion. I feel its not going to be easy for him but there is no going back now. She now feels much better about herself and her anxiety levels have gone down somewhat. Its hard to conceive, it took me 20+ years to figure out myself. Narcissists have a way of getting you back, its called guilt. I loved the world, everyone. Maybe I shouldnt. Then another decade or two of OK and good times, regular job etc. I have listed them here with a bit of an explanation, and perhaps they may be of help to you: a person is not responsible for how another thinks (in other words, do you expect others to be responsible for how you think? I am also a survivor of pretty horrendous child sexual and physical abuse, starting in my first year of life and going on till puberty (age about 12 or 13) when the perpetrator lost interest in me and turned his attention elsewhere. Its what life dishes out and therapy is incredibly expensive too. Am I with someone autistic, a narcissist, or both? He drives 20 miles to see me, we used to take turns but now I cant go to his house anymore because of the dog. Thanks so much for helping me. All my life i had to discover the answers all by myself. Asperger's and Narcissism are two totally separate and unrelated, spectrums. I never solved it, it just wasnt there any more. . Given an unlucky start, I have subsequently been extraordinarily lucky. The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. But anyway if anyone has any ideas id like to hear it. Another candidate could be Anders Breivik interestingly enough having copied and pasted bits from the unabombers manifest changing leftist to cultural marxist. And while they were all working on their own masterplans to ruins everyones life i was seeing, understanding the lies, manipulations. Most people with Aspergers Syndrome are not psychopaths. I read your piece about your life and trouble with interest. he a generous man, kind in a funny way, like washing dishes, hoovering, etc without asking. Usually children of abusive or inadequate parents and have to learn to survive growing up, perhaps without protection or guidance of any kind. Sadly I didnt realise the gift because, maybe, it could have been developed for the good of emotional difficulties, and changed understanding. He made me cut ties with a lot of my friends shortly after we got together, because of them being aware of my sexual past, because of him feeling ashamed of me, and being associated with someone whod done certain things. There was an element of narcissism too. I put my wedding ring back on and made a commitment to myself to do all I could to save my marriage. In recent months my autistic daughter and I have been trying to source books written by individuals who have autism to better understand what it is all about and how their minds tick. Autism and a Narcissistic Personality Disorder could suit him? So you can think of it as neurotypical women working past 40 are internally driven TOWARD accomplishing something big. Just listen Dont confuse a narcissist with Aspergers syndrome. Narcissistic rage is an outburst of intense anger or silence that can happen to someone with narcissistic personality disorder. We were not monogamous. This brings out the worst in him ,but at least Im no longer his whipping boy. They teamed up on me to make me guilt trip and think its truly me the problem since they all agree that it is me. I then went looking for more information so I could understand what I was dealing with better, and found the information about her bubble situation, explained in a different way, but meaning the same thing. a lack of imaginary play. She lives with me. He clearly resents that. He compliments me on how I look etc, mostly physical things. Am not religious, a scientist but not a materialist. No. Thought I would add my 2 I have been aware of having Aspergers Syndrome for 18 years (Im 55 now), most of the above is true from a Nuerotypical point of view, I have been married twice, they both failed, after about three years, my first wife just got increasingly frustrated and angry, I became increasingly sad, as I couldnt work out why she was becoming more angry and abusive. We all have our problems, and sin. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. I have really been encouraged by reading your article and the comments different people have made. When I was recovering from my first breakdown, an understanding friend helped me a lot, talked to me, we talked all afternoon once a week for about a year, many hours! The last one disappeared somehow, I noticed, when I began to recover from the 2nd 2015 breakdown. He doesnt feel he does anything wrong and when I try to tell him how I feel and he calls them lectures and adds them to the list. I asked him if it was over and he said hed let me know. Can I please get a clarification here? I think these are both related to the abuse that Im sure (but without any evidence) that they received. After working with both populations, it is fair to say that people on the Spectrum are vulnerable to NPDs and it is best to educate society on the behaviours of those with NPDs. Both narcissists and Asperger's patients are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but Asperger's patients are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide. The World and technology is moving so fast and many of us are not equipped to deal with it at all, and not because we arent willing. Realize you may not be able to teach a person with narcissism how to be different. Some good results for my brother once the assessments were concluded. This article is 100% correct. Narcissism actually exists on a continuum where at its most severe you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), not Antisocial/ Sociopathic personality as is suggested in the article. But, even if i know i am sensitive, empathic. Putting the list side by side made it easier to compare. i have autism and im not one-dimensional. It has taken me several years to rid my ex from my brain. My question is, is it possible for someone who is narcisstic to have a result from one of these quizzes that comes back saying he is likely autistic when he is not? I spent the next few years working on myself, looking after the family and working full time in an office which was good for me at that time. Thank you so much. Please dont underestimate how hard changing your perspective can be!!! No again. Went to a specialist Doctor to be assessed and tested. Because my daughter is a slow reader and finds it hard to take in all the information at once, I have been reading these books to her one chapter at a time in the evening.

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